I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
