Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize