Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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