I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
