We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
