Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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