Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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