New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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