I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
