somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
