rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
