First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
