why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So vagazzling was a success
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
