I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
