I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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