Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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