I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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