I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
