He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
