Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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