I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
