take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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