I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
