Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
