walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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