I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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