I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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