I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
