Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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