I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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