you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
