HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize