At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
