Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
