I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
