Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
