I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
