i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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