So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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