How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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