9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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