I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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