I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
