Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
