All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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