Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
