Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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