People in love make me want to vomit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
