Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize