Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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