well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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