Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize