someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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