Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
