It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
