my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
