Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
