you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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