If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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