Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
