Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
