the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
