I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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