I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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