it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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