hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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