Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
