one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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