I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize