I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
