Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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