im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
