I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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