did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
