According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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