bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
