Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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