the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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