The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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