And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
