dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
