I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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