kristin has been a bad kristin
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
