When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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