fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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