Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
