I faked an abortion last night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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