I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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