You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
